December 17, 2005
My Cell Phone
Two weeks ago, I ran over my cell phone with my car. Well, I’m still not sure if it was my car initially, but a number of cars ended up running over it as well.
This would not be a problem if I hadn’t gallantly told Bell Canada to piss off in September and that I only needed a cell phone!
So Anyway, I had a Motorola phone and it was the first “real” cell phone I’ve ever had. Before that phone, I had a dinosaur cell phone that looked like it was from the 80s. Needless to say, I LOVED my Motorola phone and all its features.
When I called to get a replacement phone, I didn’t have a choice as to which one I got. So I end up with a Samsung. The minute I saw my new phone, I instantly missed my old one. Then, when I tried to use it……ahhh, it just felt all wrong and disorganized and there were no icons and such like my old phone. I was SO upset. I called Rogers immediately and told them that I didn’t like my new phone and that I really just wanted the Motorola phone I had before. The guy on the phone said “how long have you had the new phone?”
I say “….well, I got it this morning.”
Silence. He says “is it features like the camera you miss?”
“No, I don’t really use the camera. I just don’t like how the phone is set up.”
“You might just need to get used to the new phone,” he says.
Whatever buddy. Get used to the new phone. I just want my old phone. Thanks a lot for all your non-help!!
Two days go by and guess what? I LOVE my new phone! It has all the best features. It’s smaller and way lighter, but sturdy and strong too. I’ve got the ring tone rigged so that it’s a horse whinnying and I giggle almost every time I hear it. I even whinny along with it sometimes…naaa, naaaaa. It also has the cutest button pressing sounds. I don’t even use my speed dial because I love to hear the little song that the numbers make when I press them…..beep beep, boop, boop, beep…..awwww isn’t that cute. I actually just opened my phone to press the buttons just now for fun. I realized the other feature…when I flip it open it makes this whooshing sound that somehow makes me feel like it’s excited to see me….and possibly that it thinks I’m attractive.
Ahhh, me and my new phone….good times….good times.
Posted by Angie at 01:23 AM


November 22, 2005
Procrastination

I’m supposed to be working like mad to apply for some grants. The deadlines are coming up in the next week. Then I have to practice like mad since I’ve taken nearly a two week hiatus from performing. I got sick. The doctor thought it was Strep Throat. A few days later she called to say it was not. I’m convinced that the antibiotics are what saved me, but I suppose it could be an extreme case of placebo. Whatever it is, I’m so glad it’s over. I have promised myself to enjoy good health every day. I have also promised to look closely into my throat when I’m not sick. This way I will have something to reference it by : ) A few theories have been tossed around as to why I became sick: my frail immune system caused by lack of red meat, oranges, and pasta in my diet. In case you haven’t guessed, I’m saying this sarcastically.
Please prepare for a small rant about eating habits. I feel that, considering my lifestyle (which is a lot of traveling and staying out late) my health has been quite remarkable. I have more energy than I did when I was 17. I weigh nearly thirty pounds less than I did between the ages of 18 and 24. And, best of all, my skin is healthy and I rarely suffer from bouts of eczema. Why? Because I stay away from refined foods and acidic things like red meat and fries. I can’t take the credit for choosing to live this way since it was Brian (my ex) who really opened my eyes to it. But since I began to make changes, it has been evident that they have been for the better. Yes, it takes some searching to find bread made entirely of whole grains, and replacing cookies and goodies with honey and raisins can get boring sometimes. There are days when I will impulsively buy a pack of Reese Peanut Butter Cups. I’m not made of steel you know. But on the whole, I try to have nothing in my house that is “bad” for me. I eat fish twice a week and an occasional piece of chicken. I drink all different types of calcium enriched non-dairy milk (don’t even get me started on my thoughts about the commercial marketing of milk and milk products and the great misconception that if you don’t drink your milk, you’re bones could possibly wither away into nothingness.) There are a few people (I will choose not to name them) who like to talk to me about the need for “balance” in my diet. As long as you have a “balanced” diet you will be fine. But, I feel that some people have skewed ideas of what balance is. For example, some people believe that a huge plate of chicken wings and a small salad is a balanced meal. Whereas I feel that a huge salad and two, small chicken wings is a much more balanced choice. Whew, I’m glad I’m done that rant.
I turned 29 recently. I’ve started using phrases like: “it seems like only yesterday when….,” and “How fast the time goes.” Turning 25 was the hardest birthday of all. After that, it just seems like every year gets better. Aside from a few isolated incidents, I wake up content and I go to bed content. I don’t feel that I have to hide my age. I am proud to be the age I am and to have had the experiences that I’ve had. I’ve never wanted to stay on earth forever. Immortality sounds very boring to me. I love having figured out what I like and don’t like and the people who I can and can not be around. There’s no shame and no guilt. It’s wonderful.
Since my last journal entry, I’ve relaxed with Brendan and it’s been a very enjoyable couple of months. Yes, I still want to share my life with someone (possibly him), but I no longer feel the need to race to that point. The anxious and hurried feelings have disappeared. I can’t help but wonder if I was still in that after break-up phase where you really crave to fill that empty space left after you leave someone. Anyway, I’m not sure how this happened, but things have become clear and easy lately. Maybe it’s another bonus to being an experienced 29 year old : ).
Posted by Angie at 03:05 PM


October 13, 2005
Late night thoughts
I played at Kiwi Kick tonight.
I can't hold it in anymore, I have a journal entry that I was not going to expose. But you ask for it when you date a singer / songwriter : )
Here is it...good luck:
Times are good these days.
I'm very happy about the Toronto Independent Music Awards. It was a night to remember.
All other things seem to be working out. Yeah, ya know what? I'm totally talking smack so that everyone who reads my journal will think I have it together all the time. But the truth is I rarely get it together for any length of time. I now take comfort in the fact that I never have and probably never will have it together. Sure, there are sections of my life....even weeks when I feel calm and happy, but I always have to go and do something to throw it off.
Something like...for example...drinking too much and feeling hung-over...then going over to my boyfriend's house, breaking up with him...and then getting back together again five minutes later. Yeah, that's right...just like you do when you're in grade five...only without the booze. I can laugh at it now (which I am while I'm writing this), but it was rather confusing yesterday...for him and me. I don't even really know what my reasons were….wait….wait…now that’s not true. I want him to tell me he loves me and to be really attentive and to spoon me when I'm sleeping and wake me up with a back massage while whispering in my ear that I'm the bestest and most beautiful girl in the whole world : ) Is that too much to ask ? The truth is that I think I get a lot of attention from Brendan and I truthfully don't think I've ever been happier. So what happened on Sunday? Why do I have to be neurotic sometimes?
I can't help but think that with the three weddings I've attended in the last five weeks (and the fourth one that's coming up next week-end in Tobermory woooohoooo), maybe I'm starting to feel like I've done things backwards. It seems like everyone I know is now "sharing" their lives and here I am all alone after having already shared my life with someone for four years. This is a time in my life when I feel like all decisions made are my own. It’s scary and freeing at the same time. Most of the time, I feel very thankful and lucky to have this time in my life, but sometimes I have to second guess myself. I know that I would probably run far, far away if my relationship moved any faster than it's going now, but there are times (especially during and after weddings) when I crave to be a team with someone. It’s not that Brendan and I aren’t a team…I think there’s just a fine line that you either cross or don’t cross after dating someone for six months or more. I needed a sense of direction and was worried that our timing for direction might not be matching up. But I think I was wrong about that. Everyone shows how they feel in different ways. I like words…and Brendan does not. I think I have a better understanding of this now. Nothing like a little drama and tension to readjust and realign a relationship
: )

Yesterday, I caught myself talking about an unmarried woman in her 50s. I felt bad for her because she was single. But she had been married and she had had boyfriends and children. And she is currently very happy. I thought of my mom and how she hasn't exactly been lucky in love since my dad. She's single and lives alone...and she seems almost happier than most other married woman that I meet. What's up with that? My mom's solution for many relationship problems is to drop the guy and find another one. Yet she seems to think that if I end up alone it would be at terrible thing….so how can that be? She’s alone and she seems quite happy?
In my hometown of Lively, as I remember it, unmarried people in their 30s are very rare beings and I think they are made to feel like there is something wrong with them. Toronto is much different for that. I can’t help but think that Torontonians have too much to choose from, so they try on a few more relationships and they don’t settle down until later in life…..and sometimes they never settle down.
I feel trapped in the very middle of both cultures. I want it all….but if I look closely enough….I may just have it.
I will now try to relax. And, no more boozing for a while : ) Stamp it, stamp it.
Signed
The Weirdo
Posted by Angie at 03:31 AM


September 26, 2005

Pet Peeves
Conversations that go like this:
Person: What??!! You don’t know who Markus Deliveranni (I made up that name for effect) is?!! I can’t believe it!! And you’re a songwriter?!! Well, he was only the best songwriter that ever lived!
Me: Yeah, well, I never heard of him, but I’d be more than willing to listen to him if you give me a CD or something.
Person: (shaking head) I can’t believe you never heard of him!! You know that song that goes: yeee, baaa, baaa, yeee, baaa, baaa, and then I fell out of love.
Me: No, that doesn’t sound familiar to me at all.
Person: I can’t believe this!! John, John, (nudging friend’s arm) you’re not going to believe this!! Angie doesn’t know who Markus Deliveranni is!! What’s that? You’ve never heard of him either?!! You know that song that goes: yeee, baaa, baaa, yeee, baaa, baaa, and then I fell out of love!! He’s only the greatest songwriter that ever lived!! What’s that? Oh, you have heard of him!! See, Angie, even John has heard of him and he’s not even in the music business!
ONE HOUR LATER
Person: Well we have to go now. You were pretty good. I still can’t believe you don’t know Markus Deliveranni! C’mon : yeee, baaa, baaa, yeee, baaa, baaa, and then I fell out of love?? Really eh? Hey, you should learn that Stones song “Angie.” Have you ever heard of that song? Angie, Aiiieeeengie, when will those clouds all disappear. Angie, Aiiieeengie, where will it lead us from heeeeeere.
Me: Yeah, yeah, that would be a good one to learn.
Person: (walking out the door) Yeah, that would be good, and you should find out who Markus Diliveranni is! He’s only the best songwriter that ever lived!! I can’t believe you’ve never heard of him. John, I can’t believe she’s never even heard of him!
Posted by Angie at 11:25 AM


September 15, 2005
Vacation
Here I am in Sudbury. I’m staying at my mom’s house and I visit my sister and baby Emma in Whitefish almost every day.
I’m on vacation.
It’s been wonderful.
Sudbury is one of Ontario’s best-kept secrets. I went for a jog today and I jogged over York Street and crossed Paris Street to Ramsay Lake. Ramsay Lake is in this beautiful lake with a huge walkway and park beside it…and the best part is…you can swim in it!! Another bonus is the driving. I was stuck in traffic yesterday for a whole eight minutes while crossing over the Paris Street Bridge. Parking is so easy…and it’s almost always free…and the parking spots are big enough to open the doors on both sides of the car!! People are very friendly here. They almost always say “hi” to each other when you meet them on the street.
I went out for a beer with my two good friends, Lori and Alicia yesterday night. We talked about our lives and I learned about married life and the wonderful things that happen once you are married. I loved it. This is a great time in my life when I’m okay with where I am. I don’t feel envious of other people and although our paths are going in different directions right now, I take comfort thinking that my friends can still relate to me…and somehow…it seems like I can still relate to them.
My sister is in an even more bizarre situation. I talk to her about traveling and moving, the ins and outs of dating a new man, my career, my thoughts about the future, the news, and whatever else gets stuck in my brain through the hours of driving in a car by myself all summer. She talks to me about her baby….and that’s all she talks about really. She loves that baby more than I’ve ever known a mother to love a baby before. Our conversations take place in between ogling at Emma and smiling. I must admit, all other things seem much less important when looking into the face of baby Emma. As long as I can remember, my sister has wanted a baby. She’s such an amazing mom.
My mom remains the same. She’s such a good listener. We stay up late at night in front of the TV and then we mute it when we start talking about something good. Tonight she took me to Café Korea and I was surprised to eat some Korean food in Sudbury. In all my ignorance, I didn’t think Sudbury had such a place. It was wonderful.

I’m so ready to start into fall. Wonderful things have been happening over the past month! The last week of August was quite strange. I was very tired and having all sorts of funny thoughts. Then one day, I started thinking of the things I would like to buy…which then turned into thoughts about saving money and paying less for rent. So, while I was in Tobermory one weekend, I decided to call my roommate and friend forever, Linds, to discuss our living arrangement. I tried to convince her to have her boyfriend move in with us and pay rent. After a few minutes we both realized that she wanted to live with her boyfriend and I wanted cheaper rent, but she wasn’t very sure about three people in a two bedroom apartment. I understood this completely. Sooooo, I went looking for a new apartment, found a shared house with two other musicians and moved within a week.
It was crazy….but fun.
It was unexpected, but now that I’m in my new place, I see how fateful it was. My new roommates are awesome. There’s a piano in the dining room for anyone to play. There’s a sound proof room in the basement, and you can make all the noise you want between the hours of 11:00am and 11:00pm. I’m in heaven.
I’ve become much more content with my relationship with Brendan. We don’t get to see much of each other, so our time together feels precious. He’s good for me. He kind of keeps me at arms length from him. I feel like I’m on my own in all my life decisions. It’s the first time I’ve felt that kind of independence in a long time. It was uncomfortable for the first while but, as it turns out, I quite like it. This is supposed to be the year when I really “find” myself, and Brendan is just the man to allow me to do that. I’m thankful.
Brian and I continue to be good friends. I’m so glad that we are able to do that. The hard feelings that we once had towards each other are dwindling off slowly and are being replaced with respect and understanding. It wasn’t his fault we broke up, and it wasn’t mine either. It’s nice to be neither giving nor taking blame. It takes a long time to see things clearly.
So, the plans for the next few months are to focus on the new album, practice and get better, and enjoy the less hectic schedule of gigs.
This is one of my favorite Septembers to date.
The Northern Ontario Music and Film awards take place tomorrow night. I’m excited about them. There is a lot of talent up here in the north.
Do you know which company is my favorite company who supports music? : Music and Film in Motion. I love those guys. They always have my back…and I’m quite sure they have the backs of many other musicians from up here. Go MFM go!!!

ang

August 20, 2005
Raccoon Whisperer
I'm not going to lie, the past two gigs have been my least favorite of the summer. I'm tired. I need a break. I can see the break coming, but it just doesn't seem to be coming fast enough. Whaah Whah...cry me a river. Things could be so much worse and I know it.
So tonight, I was arriving home and unloading my gear into the house when I see this raccoon sitting on the railing of my front porch only 10 feet away. We look at each other and I suddenly move closer to him and say "okay, you gotta get off the porch buddy." So the raccoon clumsily starts trying to get down off the railing and I can see that he's having a very hard time with this, so I said "okay, okay, I guess you don't really need to leave, you can hang out if you want to." So the raccoon then climbs back onto the railing and starts eating again. While I stand there only five feet away. I felt like I could have sat down and hung out with him for a while. I loved his little mask of Zorro. Given that they're pretty vicious, I also had a vision (which would probably be one of my top ten worst nightmares) of this raccoon freaking out and attaching himself to my head. Anyway, for a moment, I felt like I could communicate with this raccoon. So, for the night, I have deemed myself to be the Raccoon Whisperer. It may not be the most noble of talents, but it's all I have right now.
Good night.
Posted by Angie at 01:32 AM


August 18, 2005
Wednesday
Lately, I haven't been able to keep track of dates or times. It's weird.
I'm tired tonight and the last half hour or performing felt surreal.
Tomorrow I record some vocals for one of my new favorite bands, Mr. Something Something. I'm so pumped!
I'm also babysitting my friends' baby for a little while....this could be interesting.
Whoa, I'm not having an easy time writing right now. I'll have to report back later.

ang
Posted by Angie at 01:53 AM


August 04, 2005
Fate
As I've said before, I'm a strong believer that coincidences don't really exist and that most things that happen are meant to happen. It is your choice to take in these occurrences and figure out what they are trying to tell you.
Tonight I was playing my usual Wednesday gig. I was physically exhausted (I'm quite sure it was because of this incredible heat). Performing that way is difficult and the early crowd was impossible to please. I found myself writing songs on stage. I do this every now and then. I just play a song and blurt out whatever lyrics I see fit. Tonight’s lyrics were along the line of "this blistering heat makes me tired and I feel like I can say anything I want into this microphone because you're not listening anyway." I know it's childish, but it makes me feel like there's a joke going on, but I'm the only one who knows about it.
Half way through the night, I played Matt Osborne's "All the rest." This song says everything I want to say sometimes. When I hear it, I feel more relaxed and I'm comforted knowing that I'm not the only person who feels this way from time to time. I interpret the song to be about Matt's career, the very first chorus going like this:
"When did it turn into small change commission
This thing I used to love best?
I thought it would shame me to make the admission
that this job's like all the rest."
I was feeling like that tonight. I was trying to figure out how to take action to stop this feeling. My mind can be very weak sometimes…especially if I’m really tired. I was tempted to leave the bar after an hour and forget getting paid. Yeah, it wasn't my best night.
So anyway, I was playing Matt’s song on piano, and this gentleman walks up to me and says, “can I play you're guitar? I really like that song.”
We played the rest of the song and the next three together. It was weird because it really seemed like we were only playing for each other, which perhaps we were because no one was paying attention at this time.
He was an AMAZING guitar player.
It turns out he’s a hired gun for all kinds of famous artists. He had such a peaceful way about him. He had all the right inspiring words that I needed to hear at this time.
I really must thank Omar for entering into my life for that brief moment in time. And I must thank Matt Osborne for the funny way that his spirit continues to inspire me. I’m not the only one who has been touched by him in that way. Most people who knew him, loved him for the same reasons I did…and still do. I believe that if it wasn’t for his song, Omar would never have felt the need to come into the bar.
The rest of the night went well. There is a really friendly crowd at this bar right now. I feel like they're kind of becoming a family. This job can sometimes be like all the rest, but aren't there times in most other jobs when you feel like a rock star?
It's a farking hot night. There's no air conditioning in here so it stays just a few degrees hotter than outside. Can't wait to get back to the waters of Lake Huron and Georgian Bay. Tobermory is my saving grace.
Peace.
ang
Posted by Angie at 02:23 AM

July 23, 2005
Website
I just went to check my website to see what's been happening over there...and the first thing I see is a gig tonight at Captain Billy's!
Ha! I thought I had the night off completely! This has been a crazy busy summer.
I'd better go shower and pack!
ang
Posted by Angie at 04:56 PM
The Laundromat
Today I wanted to make a big sign and put it up at the Laundromat south of Dupont on Bathurst. I wanted the sign to say "You can take this Laundromat and shove it up your ass!!" It's the worst Laundromat I've ever been to. Today I put a loonie into the change machine and received three quarters and a nickel! That's just the beginning...I get frustrated because people who go the Laundromat are often poor like me. I hate getting ripped off...even if it is a few dollars here and there. And the worst part is, there is no one there to complain to. I once had to transfer my wet clothes from one broken machine to another in silent fury! And I'm not even an over-stuffer...in case anyone out there cares to dispute my washing techniques. So, that's it! I'm boycotting the Laundromat at Bathurst and Dupont...we'll see if they can survive without my business : )
P.S. I came home from the Laundromat, ate a big salad and drank some St.John's Wart tea. I think I'll hold off on the sign making for a while : )
ang
Posted by Angie at 04:03 PM


July 15, 2005
My favourite day
Today is my favourite day. I'm not overly excited, I'm not too busy, it's not too hot, I feel calm and comfortable.
The last two weeks has been full of turmoil with respect to my career and my personal relationships. I really must make a few mental notes that regular house gigs at the same bars makes me feel stagnant. My goal is not to play anywhere that I don't absolutely love.

I must say the between Festival Boreal and Tobermory, I couldn't ask for a more uplifting scene to be in. I feel rejuvenated. It seems like much of the traveling and performing is paying off. I am really thankful to have so many friends and fans in Sudbury...and my picture on the cover of the Sudbury Star certainly put them in my good books. People are good to me back home...and I'm thankful.
My love life has been a little bizarre lately. Brian was at the festival last week-end (as he is still my drummer...and he is also still my very good friend). He found a wonderful girl at the festival and they hung out much of the time. I must say, that seeing him so happy with another girl sparked a few angry and jealous feelings towards him. I formed this theory that our break up was entirely his fault and that he never really wanted me the whole tI've now voided that theory and after a few talks with Brian we both conclude that we were perfect for each other for the amount of time we spent together.
Of course this incident sparked concerns about my new relationship with my new man (who's name is Brendan, by the way). I felt like I really wasn't over Brian and that wasn't really fair to Brendan...and I felt like Brendan hadn't really expressed any strong feelings for me. My theory was that I either need to be alone or adored. I couldn't handle the insecurities of a relationship that wasn't strong. Brendan thought that everything had been going along just fine and that it was hard to get too close to me with the knowledge of my old relationship and the fact that I would need time to get over it. He's right about that. Letting go of someone and opening up to someone else are not really things that should be done simultaneously. So we're slowing the pace and enjoying some new beginnings...who knows where this will go.
So yeah, I feel good today.
I was in Tobermory on Sunday and Monday night and my friend, Katie and her husband, Dan, have offered me their backyard to camp in over the summer. So I'm out there in my tent and I was just settling into bed happily when I hear "aaarrrroooooooo". Wolves. (Well, I thought they were wolves, but they were Coyotes.) Ten minutes later I hear it again...only they are closer this time. I was scared, but I was too scared to run back to the house. So I lay there, scared for a while, but was so tired from the week-end that I fell asleep and woke up late in the morning. Even the wolves weren't enough to keep me awake! Ha! Next time, I'm bringing a hunting knife...and I flashlight (do)!
Hello Bush-whack-shellac!
I can't wait until this Sunday and Monday. My mom is coming up to camp with me.
ang

Posted by Angie at 04:48 PM


July 10, 2005
NLFB - day 2
I remembered something today. I remembered how much I love listening to music. I watched children dancing. I felt we could all learn something from them. I remembered what it feels like to be around positive people. I realized how important that is for humans. Fate sure has a funny way of blowing wind at your back when your sails are empty.
Posted by Angie at 12:59 AM


July 08, 2005
Northern Lights Festival Boreal
Here I am at my mom’s house in Sudbury on Friday night at 11:50pm.
What a crazy couple of days it’s been. Played the Townehouse with “My Pants” (you know…my band) on Wednesday. Thursday was in North Bay with Ayron Mortley, and then tonight I was the host for the NLFB on the main stage. It was a little stressful for me, but I had a great time! Festivals are so rewarding! There’s nothing like a huge group of people who love music sitting outside and listening under the stars. There’s this wonderful feeling of togetherness at festivals that you can’t find anywhere else.
Had a radio interview today. Dan Lessard really does his homework as an interviewer. He had read my last journal entry and questioned me about my bad feelings about my career. I can’t believe how moody I must seem. I really must check out these journal entries after I write them.
Anyway, things have continued to be a little sketchy for me, as I’ve had some voice problems lately. I think my vocal chords are tired. I’ve had a few days of easy gigs and things seem to be working out. The goal starting September will be less performing, more recording. I don’t want to start talking about a new album since I started doing that last time and it took me two years to finally make it….but I feel that working on a new album and thinking about it rejuvenates me and reminds me what I truly love about what I do.
I can’t say I’m in my finest hour lately, but I can say that things are getting better. Why? Tobermory. I love it there. That’s all I have to say about that. I can’t help but put some blame on the old…trying to get over a relationship cliché. It’s weird. Even though I feel confident in all decisions, there are times…especially coming home to Sudbury, when you realize that you lose so much more than just a relationship with your partner. Brian and I share a lot of good friends and even though they will remain good friends, the dynamic changes.
This is definitely a night of scattered thoughts. I think I’ll stop before I end up putting my foot in my mouth and having no recollection of ever writing that : )
There are some great people in the world and I’m so thankful that I get to be around them on a regular basis…many of them read this journal…and I’m amazed at that.
I have many things to be thankful for.
Scattered thoughts.
ang
Posted by Angie at 11:51 PM


June 21, 2005
Sex and the City
Last night, Linds and I watched Sex in the city on Linds's little black and white TV. Linds has attached some rabbit ears to it, and there are small pieces of tinfoil resting on top of it. We can get two channels, but the second one only really comes in when it feels like it. The good part is we get Sex in the City which I daresay is the sole purpose of the rabbit ear / tinfoil contraption.
Anyway, the moral of the show last night ended up being that the main character was worried about what other people think, but realized that her biggest critic was herself and that she didn't accept who she was and what she'd done.
Now, I know that having realizations from a TV show is not always the most appropriate way to undergo counseling, but this really hit home with me.
I'm now beginning my summer of crazy gigs. Nearly 6 nights a week. This is what I wanted. I wanted to make some money back and pay some bills. What I don't accept is that I'm playing many of the same gigs I played two years ago...and for the same amount of money...and for the same people (who I love…don’t get me wrong). I'm starting to sink into that depressed, backwards motion feeling. Would I rather work some sort of day job and only play selected shows in front of an appreciative audience? What if I never achieve my ten year plan? What if I still struggle for rent when I'm 35? My mother reminded me that I'm going to be 30 in two years...what was she saying? What if she can't accept my lifestyle as I get older?
But the true question is...can I accept my lifestyle as I get older? Brian could.
Maybe I'm still dealing with the insecurities of only being half a team.
I am still with a new man and things are going at the appropriate pace for a couple of our age and understanding.
There are, of course, those feelings that he's not going to stick around and vice versa. I think those feelings also contribute to the acceptance of who I am. When I feel like he's not going to stay with me, it usually comes hand in hand with the feelings that I'm going to be a failure. So what is a failure? Could it be that a failure is simply a person who accepts defeat and does not accept themselves?
Talking to Linds last night, I proposed the scenario that if I lost my hand and my vocal chords and could no longer continue on this path, would I then be able to get a simple job and live a simple life totally guilt free? I would have an excuse to not be aggressive. (Please understand that I absolutely don't want that to happen). I feel like I need to be bolder and braver….but there’s something that always holds me back….I’m not sure what it is? I can’t help wondering if I’m just not that bold and brave and if having a shack and a garden really is what I want out of life? I LOVE to play music and I LOVE to perform for people, but I don't always like the stress of having to pay my rent by doing so. Today is a cross-road day. I'm counting on a sign. I would usually get one about this time….or maybe in a few more days if I let these thoughts fester : )
I've always felt like the music business is a marathon. If you just keep writing music and making albums and performing, you'll end up feeling like you've accomplished something extraordinary. Sometimes I feel like that already. But not today : ). Funny how that goes sometimes. I feel like a human yo-yo.
I was just looking out my window and these two little girls were hanging out with the dog across the street. Holly is the cutest dog ever. Everybody loves her. How could you not? She accepts everyone who is kind to her. I like this neighborhood. Linds and I do a lot of sitting on the front porch. One of our neighbors asked what we do when we’re not sitting on the front porch? Linds said “if we’re not in the front, we’re probably in the back yard.”
I love to be outside. Maybe my many trips to Tobermory this summer will give me exactly the “sign” I’m looking for. Maybe I just need to give my head a shake and say RELAX. Smell the flowers you silly yo-yo.
ang

Posted by Angie at 03:23 PM


June 16, 2005
The kitchen sink
Thursday morning.
Here I am watching the garbage truck go by. What a nice, cool, rainy day it is today. What a relief. There’s no air conditioning in this apartment and on the hot days, the whole place stays just a few degrees hotter than outside. It’s quite unbearable really.

Today’s not really my favourite day. Idiot Monster (my roommate's cat) snuck outside last night and hasn’t returned home since. It’s worrying us all. If he wasn’t so clumsy and curious it wouldn’t be such a problem, but this cat gets himself into the most ridiculous situations….it makes me worry for him outside in the big bad world.

There is a family of raccoons who live on my neighbor’s roof. Every night around 5:00am, they fight like mad and then one of them gets hurt and makes whimpering sounds. It’s awful!! They make the most terrible sounds when they’re fighting.

I must say that since moving in May, I’ve had some of the very best days of my life. It’s not because I’m not with Brian anymore, it’s because I have truly enjoyed my own space. I wonder if we had just decided to move into a bigger place with more space between us, would I have been able to gather my sanity? Would he have? No sense wondering now. There’s some reason why we were not meant to be together. Must remember to feel at peace with it. Last night as I was falling asleep, I was thinking of my old life and comparing it to a sink full of dirty dishwater. I kept trying to wash dishes in it, but they weren’t really getting clean, so finally when I tried to wash that great big dirty pot, I just couldn’t do it anymore. Now, I’m refilling the sink again. I have to wait until there’s enough water before I start washing again…and even then, I have to wait until the water cools a little (I always pour it too hot).
Things with the new man are not going so well right now.
Idiot Monster just peeped his little white head in the window and started meowing. He came home!! Linds is going to be so happy! I’m so happy! He might be an Idiot and a Monster too, but make no mistake, I LOVE that cat.
Linds and I have started working on European touring plans. My geography is getting better all the time! I really needed to start planning something for after the summer. The regular gigs really bring me down after a while. I feel like I’m moving sideways instead of forward sometimes and no one likes that. On the other hand, my plan was to relax and stop playing gigs where I’m frantically trying to advertise and get people out. That’s definitely a bonus right now. And, consistent money coming in is something that the people from the bank like to see : )
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain. Listening to “Heart Attack and Vine” album by Tom Waits…what a good one!
ang
Posted by Angie at 10:50 AM


May 16, 2005
Idiot Monster
I love animals and I've been quite upset over the loss of Wayne. But now I live with a new furry creature named Oscar. He's Lindsay's cat. We sometimes call him Idiot Monster because that very closely describes him. I've not experienced such a bizarre cat. He's either sleeping or up to something bad. And he's clumsy...really clumsy. I find him in ridiculous places in my bedroom (like between the ceiling and the top of my shelves) and I have no idea how he could get there. He knocks things over all the time and you can tell he doesn't mean to. I had to rescue him a few days ago as he had jumped from my dresser into my closet and was hanging off my clothes in a panic. The weird part is that he NEVER learns. He continually makes the same mistakes over and over again and suffers the consequences of it. I can't help but wonder if fate has brought me to this cat in order to teach me some sort of lesson. He's resting on my lap as I type right now, but he just woke up. I can see the gleam of curiosity seeping into his eyes again and he's already started looking at things and turning his head sideways in wonderment...right now he's staring at my face...eeee...okay he stopped.
Today was laundry day.
That's all I've done so far today.
My life has become very simple since I moved. When I speak to people about moving out and my relationship that ended, they say things like "sorry to hear that," and "that's too bad." For a time those were the appropriate words to say I suppose, but in the past two weeks, I have to say that the phrases like "change is good," and "congratulations on your new life" come to mind. I feel like I have put myself into a position to have the best of all worlds. My relationship with Brian has very quickly gone back to that of good friends. I think we both worried that we would never be able to do that. I can't help but think if we had waited longer before this break-up, we would never have been able to regain what we have now. It's a relief. I'll tell you what else is a relief....having a dresser and a closet and a bed all my own. I had been living out of my packsack for too long. I could feel myself going more and more batty as each day passed... usually I'd be sitting in my car reminding myself that this life was temporary. Funny how, even though you learn that everything will pass in time, these small and painful bits of time seem so to drag on and on like some sort of Chinese water torture. As much as I like not to be tied down by too many things, I love to have a home...a place where I can disappear and no one will bother me. I'm so happy here. I can't even begin to describe it. When I was packing I threw out a lot of things, and when I was unpacking, I threw out the rest of the things that I don't need. I did nine loads of laundry. I lit smelly candles. I cleaned every square inch of my new room. Even though I know things are not always going to be a ray of bliss, I've yet to wake up with dark clouds in my mind. I play more music and I listen to obscure radio stations. I'm truly happy right now and as cheesy as it sounds, I feel like I'm exactly the person who I'm supposed to be.
Dating someone new has turned out to be a wonderful and frightening ordeal. When I was younger and I would meet a 28 year old woman who was jaded by love, I always thought to myself "I'll never become like that." What was I thinking! Okay Miss Lady-who-read-too-many-fairy-tales! I might be happy now, but I can easily recreate the numbing chest pains of breaking up and the feeling that I never want to break up with anyone again. So while enjoying the company of a wonderful new man, the uneasy feeling that I might fall in love again creeps in and slaps me in the face. It can make me quite ugly and I embarrass myself with my defensive behavior.
And for the grand finally topic....music has been wonderful. The last three shows were amazing and I remembered why I love playing in Toronto so much. Linds and I head to Rhode Island this week-end and the tour plans for the fall are slowly coming to the forefront.
I should go and check out what Idiot Monster is up to. I’ve been hearing a funny rattling noise coming from my bedroom…maybe he’s building something interesting…wouldn’t that be AWESOME!
Sunny skies for now.
ang

Posted by Angie at 02:25 PM


April 27, 2005
Moving
Things to remember when moving out of the apartment of an ex-boyfriend:
1. Even though you will find numerous old picture albums…don’t go looking through them.
2. Try not to pack when your ex is around.
3. Don’t accidentally pack the packing tape and markers.
Albums to listen to:
Secrets of the Dream Catcher – Ron Allen and One Sky
The Other Side of Bob Dylan – Bob Dylan
Acadie – Daniel Lanois
Song not to listen to:
Don’t Know What You Got ‘Till it’s Gone – Cinderella
Two Outa’ Three Ain’t Bad - Meatloaf
(I have not listened to these personally, but I feel like they would be the worst songs to listen to)
This week has gone by quickly. Lot’s of packing. It wasn’t so bad. It’s actually quite amazing that my life can be packed into a few boxes and a couple of garbage bags. It’s refreshing to start again. Both Brian and I seem to be very clear headed about this. We had an amazing friendship for years before we were together. My fear is that we will lose what we had before…but I suppose that is the risk you take when you choose to change your relationship into something more. Nonetheless, I will always remember these years as time well spent. I’ve learned a lot from Brian (especially how to work out problems with another person). It seems like all that I’ve learned can now be applied to this new relationship that is developing with someone else….only it seems to work better with someone else. Funny. Brian too, is embarking on something new, and I’m hoping he can apply the same sort of lessons from me.
I think the worst part is that you sort of feel like a failure when you just can’t work something out. I don’t really want to break up with anyone ever again.
Interesting enough, while packing my kitchen, I had this memory of my parents’ divorce when I was 14. I was given the task of dividing everything in the kitchen. My instructions were to divide everything in half. I remember taking a bag of flour and putting half of it into a plastic container (you’d think I’d have more interesting memories, but noooooooo, I’m stuck with that one). Anyway, there were so many emotions at that point that it really feels like the whole thing was a dream. I started trying to remember some of the other “trying” times I may have had over the years, and again, they seem like they never REALLY happened. The only thing I took from them is that I will, can, and have survived. It makes what is happening now a lot easier.
Tonight, the band rehearsed. We have a show at Jeff Healey’s next week I had a really good time with them. We rocked out a little. I’m thinking I would like to rock out a little more…considering going in the band direction more often….usually this poses a financial problem, but I think we’re at a point where it might not be such a problem…thinking…thinking…
Must practice some songs for May and Perry’s wedding next week.
I’m in a room in the basement with boxes piled around and barely any pictures left on the walls. I don’t think I’ve ever been so ready for something new.
Over-and-out
angie
Posted by Angie at 11:40 PM


April 25, 2005
Gig story
I've been meaning to tell this story for a while and I keep forgetting.
I was playing a bar a while ago. There were quite a few people there. The crowd was friendly and I was having a good time. So this woman walks in and, even though there are many places to sit, she decides to sit with her head approx. two feet from one of my speakers. I start playing another song and I can see from the corner of my eye that this woman is not happy with this noisy box beside her. So she gets up and starts fondling the speaker...I'm figuring she's looking for the "off" switch. Obviously my speakers don't have off switches, so she starts turning the speaker and manages to point the speaker away from the crowd and directly at me. So here I am playing music to myself...no better sound then having your speakers pointed the wrong way. Things work out really well the woman for the rest of the song and by the end of it, she seemed quite bored, so she left the bar.
Now, there's this big part of me who wishes I would have stopped the song and suggested that it would be much more convenient for me if she move to a seat that's not two feet from my speaker. I could have explained the she wasn't the only person in the room. Like I've said before...I can be really witty...especially twenty minutes after something happens....or when I'm driving in my car by myself : )
ang
Posted by Angie at 02:17 PM

April 19th, 2005
It's a girl!!
My sister and her husband, Blake, had a wee baby. It was a very stressful couple of days for everyone, but they are all healthy and breathing and all those important things that go along with babies.
Auntie Angie is very happy.

I'm back in T.O. today. I have four days to pack. Then back to Suds Friday and Saturday, then back to T.O. Things have been very peaceful around here. After spending a stressful week in Sudbury, it's nice to come home to T.O....to my usual, unusual life. I was starting to feel like I was a freak who should be married with babies by now. (I'm sure this feeling is directly related to my sister and her baby). For whatever reason, it's good to be back in T.O. Sometimes the place you call "home" is not the place where you are supposed to be.
ang
Posted by Angie at 02:04 PM


April 17, 2005
Home
My home has always been and will probably always be Sudbury, Ontario.
More specifically, Lively, Ontario, but who needs to be technical here.
Last night, I brought Linda M. home to Copper Cliff (a small town between Lively and Sudbury) for the second last tour date of our "Girls on Top" tour. It was such a great night! I was so proud to be from Sudbury. The crowd was amazing and attentive! It was good to see all my old friends again! I realize how grateful I am to have been raised in such a place. I'm glad I left home as well. Leaving home helped me to gain independence and to realize who I really am, but coming home makes me see that people will accept me no matter what I do and who I am. I'm having a sentimental moment here...bare with me...
I'm here in Sudbury and I will remain here all week. My sister is going to have her baby any day now. She's the cutest pregnant lady ever!! I'm hoping she has it while I'm here. Next week I have to pack up my things and prepare to move. I LOVE moving. I've moved many times before living with Brian. It's exciting and sad at the same time...
ang
Posted by Angie at 01:08 PM


March 21, 2005
Airplane Headphones
I'm trying to catch up on all my computer stuff today and Brian is working with a really good fiddle player named Erin Marshall who is over here editing songs for her new CD. Because of all the stopping and starting of the music coming from the studio, I broke out my dad's airplane earphones and plugged them into my computer. Funny thing is you can't hear ANYTHING once you put these things on. So the phone was ringing off the hook beside my hand and I wasn't answering it. I was startled when Brian and Erin were standing behind me trying to get me to answer the phone.
Today is a pretty good day. Brian is in good spirits. We are still living together until May 1st, so I'm looking for places to live this week and next. It's exciting and sad at the same time. It certainly feels like the right decision even though it seems unbelievable that so much could happen in such a short time. Four year is a long time to spend with someone.
Strange to be back in T.O. I really like this city right now...even though I sometimes feel tempted to move to the west...such a scatterbrain I am....
over and out
ang

Posted by Angie at 02:36 PM

April, 2005
Vancouver
Before I forget, I must say that the Vancouver show was AMAZING!! Big thanks to all my friends from home (Lively) who showed up and surprised me at the show!! I so needed to see some familiar faces by that time!! It made me very happy. Also a big thanks to Janine and Brian for letting us stay at your place while we were there!! We had a wonderful time.
Girlgig Productions is an awesome company! Rose Ranger, Bonnie Ste.Croix, and Michelle Raye were all amazing.
I truly had a fantastic time and I can't wait to go back!!
ang
Posted by Angie at 02:31 PM
The Pink Poncho
One time my mom's friend, Mary, bought me this bright pink poncho with sparkles on it. Along with it came this little tank top to go underneath. I thought it was extravagant for me, but I figured it would come in handy for something. One night, while on tour with Linda M., I put on the pink poncho. Linda and I went to the TV station for an interview and to play a couple of songs. Everything went so well that I deemed the pink poncho to be lucky. I wore it every date of the tour. I'm now debating whether I should continue to wear the pink poncho for the next bunch of shows, or if such action will suck the luck out the pink poncho forever. Decisions...decisions.
Posted by Angie at 02:22 PM


March 19, 2005
Kelowna
Well we made it to Kelowna at around 1:30 last night after 12 hours of driving. Rumor was it would take 8 hrs to drive from Lethbridge to Kelowna...but that rumor was sooooo wrong.
Anyway, we made it to my friend's friend Dean's house. We didn't know what we were in for as far as our accommodations. We were totally surprised to find that Dean lives in a huge, beautiful house overlooking Okanagan Lake. We each have our own rooms with huge, double beds. This touring thing has shaped up to be quite a treat so far. The term "sleeping on couches" hasn't come into play yet : ) Big thanks to Dean for being so generous to us.
More about the drive here: We saw a bunch of goats and some Caribou. The mountains were absolutely amazing! They take my breath away sometimes...again it's that love of feeling insignificant. I've never driven through before...it was quite an experience. There are ramps going upwards every now and then. They are made for runaway trucks. It's a scary thought when you think about a transport truck losing control coming down those hills. I am very happy to be driving in the Malibu. Linda and I have had a good driving arrangement so far. When I'm tired (usually in the morning : ) she drives, and when she's tired (usually at night) I drive. I sometimes think she gets the crappy end of the stick since I get to gawk at everything during the day, but she hasn't mentioned anything...so I'm keeping my mouth shut : )
So it's 4:30 here. We're just about to play our show at "The Minstrel." We were there today for sound check and I think it's a sweet little venue for us.
Then, tomorrow it's off to Vancouver! ....then I drive back to Edmonton over three days by myself. I'm excited to hit the road by myself, especially since the Malibu has a CD player. I'm going to have to purchase some good Vancouver music to accompany my ride home and accentuate the new life that I seem to be jumping into....close your eyes and plug your nose!
Missing home sometimes. Hoping everyone in Ontario is warm and happy!
Okanagan out
angie
Posted by Angie at 07:21 PM


March 18, 2005
Lethbridge
We left Calgary yesterday. I must thank Kathy and Ron for letting us stay at their sweet Pad for two days. It was WONDERFUL.
I'm now in Lethbridge.
What a spectacular city!!
I love the landscape...it's not what I expected! When going across the bridge that divides the city, it feels like you're in a movie...like Return of the Jedi, or the Postman.
I've really started to relax and enjoy this tour. I know I may have already said this, but Linda M. is very relaxing company.
We performed in Red Deer on Wednesday night. It was really fun. The people at the Vat reminded me of the people in Kirkland Lake, Sudbury, and Port Dover. They like to party...hard. I met this man who was about 40 yrs old. He said he had retired 14 years ago and that he never has to work again because his family was in the oil business. He said he doesn't do much but he has this one trick that he can do really well. I had my doubts about the "trick" and told him I'd like it to remain a mystery. The man insisted that I would find the trick spectacular and I really shouldn't leave town without seeing it.....arrggghh...I like spectacular things : ) So he instructs me to stand up and touch my toes to his. The objective is to be faster than him....so he leans back and then comes at my face, mouth gaping, tongue hanging out. The trick was to lick my face? That's the last time I participate in someone's trick!
I really liked the staff at the Vat. Big thanks to Terry, Stick, Shannon, and Mo.
Lethbridge was really fun last night. The Tongue n' Groove is a sweet venue. The people are really funky...kind of reminds me of Guelph. Big thanks to Corrie and three cheers to Jenna for singing last night with me.
Next stop is Kelowna. Linda and I have a long drive ahead of us, but our wheels are sweet so it's quite enjoyable.
This is a strange tour. Each day seems like three days, but I can't believe how much time has passed already.
Until the next adventure...
over and out
angie
Posted by Angie at 02:34 PM


March 16, 2005
Calgary
Well, here we are in Calgary!
Today has been very peaceful and easy.
Yesterday, on our way from Edmonton to Calgary, our rental car indicated that we needed an oil change. We also noticed a bizarre clicking sound in the engine. We brought our car in today and replaced it with a beautiful Chevy Malibu. We're riding in style now! Both Linda and I felt like the last car was cursed.
So we were on A-Channel TV last night! It was fun. Again, I can't believe what I actually look like. I keep thinking I'm better looking than I actually am : ) Lucky it's not the other way around....
This is a strange tour for me mentally. I was looking forward to getting away from home and I really felt the need to get lost in an unknown place. I wanted to put my usual life on hold for a while. I'm still able to so that, but at the same time, I left a brand new relationship back home. It's changed my mentality a little. I'm looking forward to coming home almost as much as I was looking forward to coming out here.
Tonight is our second real show. Linda and I were a little humbled by our first show at the Sidetrack Cafe. It's not easy to walk into a strange place with a bunch of people who don't know what to expect, and to have only a few songs to represent yourself with. I cherish having my gig in Toronto at the Pour House the night before I left. The people who showed up to that show made it absolutely wonderful. I have good friends.
So I think it's time to head out of this internet cafe.
Peace from the west.
angie

Posted by Angie at 03:17 PM


March 14, 2005
Here I am in Edmonton
Today is the first day of my tour with Linda M. We are playing at the Sidetrack Cafe. I'm excited. We arrived yesterday. I sat with this two very intelligent woman, Lee and Mary-anne. Two women with PhD’s! The conversation was very interesting. I was a little too tired for it in the morning though...bummer.
Uncle Everett, Aunt Jeannie, Ken, Betty, Kelly, Kevin, and my new cousin Jason were all around last night for supper. I exposed Linda to the family! What a graceful travel partner she is!
Can't wait for tonight.
peace and love
angie
Posted by Angie at 04:13 PM


March 07, 2005
Stressful day
Okay, so I've been slacking a little with booking gigs. I booked most of March and am still floundering about wondering what to do in April and May. It wouldn't be so worrisome if I wasn't going to be gone for most of March...zzzzzzz. That's boring talk.
I know I've talked about my pet peeve before, but I think it was over a year ago when I did this...so here it is: I hate it when I'm playing a bar and I start talking to someone and they say something like "so all you do is sleep and relax during the day." I wish. Okay, that's all I'm going to say about that. I don't want to stir up any more negative energy.
This is definitely the month of change. I spoke with the manager at Van Gogh's Ear (my weekly Guelph gig for five years.) Things have been pretty quiet this season and they are thinking of making some changes. He tried to gently tell me they want to try some other acts on Monday nights. I took it as a sign that I should move on out of there. I'm scared, but excited. It's time...that's for sure.
The most terrible part about the new changes is that fact that Wayne will have to live with my friend Dwight until I can find my bearings and decide what I want the next few years to be like. A big part of me wants only to tour…no more cover gigs. I think that’s the direction I’m looking at. When I think of Wayne, I realize how irresponsible I’ve been. I’ve always relied on my roommates, or Brian to help look after him. This topic is not working for me. I’ll stop now.
So here I am at 2:26 on a rainy Monday trying to work on my tax return and book some gigs for April and May. Wondering what next will happen to Angie Nussey. Which way will the wind blow for me....?
over and out
angie

Posted by Angie at 01:35 PM


March 01, 2005
Alterations
It's strange to live with your boyfriend for four years and then to go back to being friends. We had some funny mishaps today. I've been away from home quite consistently for two weeks. Today I walked into the washroom while Brian was taking a leak. I didn't even flinch. We laughed about it afterwards. It's hard to reconnect the line that divides a friendship from an intimate relationship. The main ideas are there, but there are those small actions that are hard to get rid of I guess.
It's a very settled feeling around these parts. There is still heartache every once in a while. I'm sure that when I move out, it will be difficult. Change is frightening sometimes.
I’m dating someone new.
I know it might seem too soon to be doing such a thing, but he’s a good one. I seem to be searching for a fatal flaw or just one good reason why I shouldn’t be dating this person. Each time I start getting close to finding something, he seems to do or say something that makes me realize how wrong I am. (I also realize how creative and dramatic I can be when trying to figure out one’s personality). Some might call this a rebound, I might call it otherwise. All I know is that it’s an amazingly enjoyable feeling right now.
Rock stardom continues to be good and fun…blah, blah, blah….I don’t feel like talking about that right now.
Out for a beer with Linds.
angie
Posted by Angie at 04:51 PM


February 21, 2005
Tired Mondays
Today is a tired Monday.
I was in Sudbury last week and Port Dover this past week-end. All good fun. It's funny to be on the road so much again. I thought I could get away with sticking close to home this winter. I'm going to try to stay close in April.
Linda and I are gearing up for our tour. Lots of work to do still. Again, Lindsay Leslie saves the day with her amazing radio promo! I'm forever thankful!
The ice on Lake Erie has melted near the shoreline but has left giant ice burgs about 1km from shore. It's AMAZING. It really helps to lend perspective and realize how small we are. I like to be insignificant sometimes.
nap time.
ang
Posted by Angie at 03:54 PM


February 15, 2005
Lost and found
There's something that I've found recently and it's funny that in the past few months I would never have imagined it.
Clarity.
Times are good right now. Funny how quickly things change and get better.
ang
Posted by Angie at 01:06 PM


February 12, 2005
Mama's thoughts
I meet a lot of people each week. Some of them seem absolutely amazing. Mom and I were talking about this today. She said something I didn't expect. She said that anyone can be wonderful and amazing for three hours.
ang
Posted by Angie at 05:07 PM


February 11, 2005
Guess Who
What a week!
My friend, Dave, from the band "Bunkhouse Romeo" scored some VIP tickets to see the induction of Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings into the Canadian Songwriter's Hall of Fame. Dave's girlfriend fell sick and so he asked me if I'd like to go. It was the most amazing night! I was able to meet a lot of my songwriting hero's and at 3:00am, found myself very drunk in the basement of the Drake hotel watching Burton Cummings perform his impression of Gordon Lightfoot covering a Rod Stewart song. It was crazy! It might have been my favorite night in Toronto so far. I have concluded that the reason I moved to Toronto was to prepare me for and align me with that night. (Can you tell I'm reading the Celestine Prophecies right now?) I felt confident, happy, and thankful to have met so many wonderful people over the past few years...namely Dave for taking me....big, big thanks.
At this point I feel like I should talk about my relationship, since it seems to be the topic of many of my journal entries lately. But I'm quite bored of talking about it. So, I'll save it for another time.
Summer is coming and I have a real craving to live in Tobermory. It's my favourite place on earth...so far. It might be time for me to take two months away from everything...we'll see.
Still smiling because of a good night...don't you just love those kinds of nights?
ang

Posted by Angie at 04:07 PM


February 06, 2005
Devil inside
Okay, Okay, I auditioned for INXS. What a nervy experience that was...but a good experience just the same. There's something about dreaming really big that makes life so much better sometimes. It sucks not to get a call back though....what can you expect. At least I tried. Big thanks to Alisen for dressing me up like a rock star! I loved the outfit. And of course, big thanks to Linds (aka the best manager and friend in the world!)
Played at Graffiti's with eight other songwriters on Friday. What a great night it was. Found a new friend: Harmony Trowbridge. I always seem to find new friends that have this little influence on me. It's funny how things go like that.
The pendulum continues to swing in the Ang and Bri household. So much to let go of. For a while, the sore heart had been buried under dark clouds of anger and resentment. The new phase seems to be one of moving forward. It's quite a relief to realize that neither of us are bad people.
It's Sunday today. Next week is a busy one. I don't have gigs, so I want to practice up and record some new stuff. I also have a lot of work to do...like taxes (arrggghh) and preparing for the tour out west. Good times...they are all good times.
ang

January 31, 2005
Mondays
Here I am on Monday....trying to accomplish the ridiculous list of things I have to do today so that I can spend the rest of my time this week working on the songs for the next album. Now, don't get too excited...you know I like my snail pace and nothing more. (Paint and Turpentine took two years to make). This album will take quite a while to make...but it will be my favorite...just like P & T is my favorite right now.
Anyway, the real reason I'm writing is because I thought I'd share with you the best part of my day so far: Wayne (my cat) is trying to remove his flea collar. He kicks at it with his hind foot and he'll press his chin to his chest and try to lick it off...then he'll look at me in confusion. I feel so bad for him...he doesn't even go outside and the only reason he has fleas is because I brought them home on my sweater after spending time with my friend's dog. Nonetheless, watching him and noticing his determination to have it removed has made me smile. Again, I wish he understood english...but the funny thing is that sometimes even English people don't seem to understand english.
over-and-out
angie
PS (Please do not alert the Humane Society : )
Posted by Angie at 01:33 PM


January 30, 2005
Ode to Port Dover
As usual, I have gone away for a week-end and I see the world in a different light again.
Port Dover was really fun. I really relaxed on Saturday. Got to check out these HUGE mountains of ice that have built up on the edge of Lake Erie. They were beautiful!

Met good people. Sandy, Tony, Rob, Bobby, Rick, and Bob were great to hang out with. Slept with Gaston (the giant golden Lab) for two nights. (I love that dog)
Feeling a little tired today (Sunday). Still living in a strange and unknown world with Brian. Thought we were working it out....maybe we are? The more I search for answers about relationships, the more I come to realise that these issues are a common thing for many couples. Thanks to the many people I have spoken to in the past little while. You're input and perspective is much appreciated. I could write a book! Living in the grey area is not really my forte. Wondering how much longer this will continue.
On a good note…at least the songs for the next album are almost finished! What a strange and interesting fate.
Posted by Angie at 04:41 PM | Comments (0)


January 28, 2005
Girls with Guitars
I just played Girls with Guitars at The Rivoli tonight. What a wonderful time it was. The audience was so kind and attentive. These shows are always so rewarding. Three cheers for Linda M. for making it happen!
ang
Posted by Angie at 01:07 AM | Comments (0)


January 26, 2005
next test
Here I am again...testing out the journal
ang
Posted by Angie at 11:26 PM
11:25 pm
EEEEEE I'm so excited. This site is almost complete!! Brenn is the BEST web designer in the world. He has amazing patience. I would highly recommend him to anyone! I'm so glad to have him!
ang
Posted by Angie at 11:21 PM | Comments (0)


January 12, 2005
January Blues

Happy New Year.
This journal will contain these sections:
1. music biz
2. my personal life
1. MUSIC BIZ: Music biz is looking really good these days. Linda M. and I have been planning the tour out West for March and there are a number of gigs on the horizon that I can get excited about. Brenn is working on the new site. The poor guy has to deal with my copious amounts of emails asking for this and that. I’m very glad to have him. I owe him a lot…and I mean a lot!
2. MY PERSONAL LIFE: Just when you think that you have things figured out they all seem to change at once. I’m not having a good month. Brian and I are having a hard time figuring out what to do with our relationship. I suppose we’re at that four year point when you need relationship to either grow or change….sort of like shit or get off the pot : ) Now I’m not talking about marriage because I’ve never felt the need for marriage. Brian hasn’t been in a relationship like this before. I feel like I’ve had a few and I’m quite sure of who and what makes me happy, and it has usually been him. He’s not so sure. I hate it, but I’ve been that person before and it’s hard to get angry about it. It sucks and I honestly felt like my heart was physically breaking for few minutes last night. ‘Tis an interesting time. So far we’ve worked out a possibility of taking a year apart. The hope is that we will figure out who we are without each other. In the meantime, maybe I’ll contradict all that I stand for and end up together with a handsome, rich, wine maker from Italy….then I’ll really be spending my time “figuring out” who I am!! : )
Linds came back from Nova Scotia brimming with ideas and focus. I’m so glad because if there ever was a time when I’ve lost focus on things it would be in the past month. She truly has been my saving grace this month. My plans for living in a small shack on Manitoulin Island with 12 cats and a dog were looking better and better until Linds straightened me out over a couple of beer. Who says drinking doesn’t solve problems?!
Posted by Angie at 01:36 AM | Comments (0)


December 04, 2004
I haven’t written in a very long time. I always think of things that I should write down while they are on my mind and then poof, they’re gone…just like that. Maybe I’m getting forgetful in my old age : )
So the CD release parties went really well. I had a great time and thanks to everyone in Toronto, Guelph, Sudbury, North Bay, and Kirkland Lake for coming out and supporting the shows!.
Things have been very busy through the past couple of months. Releasing a CD and trying to get it into numerous ears is not the easiest task I’ve every taken on. Anyway, we’ll see where it goes as the months move on. I hope “Paint and Turpentine” finds her little place in the world.
I have just been in Port Dover and Peterborough this week. Great cities. I’m tired today (Sunday). I have a sappy movie and some popcorn and I’m so excited to stretch out on the couch and eat and watch. Brian is in Dundas playing a show with Superstack. I love having the house to myself. It’s been quite crowded lately as we have both been home during the day for the past couple of weeks. I can’t help thinking about the summer and about my future. I drank too much Southern Comfort the other night and have been contemplating my life again. I think I might stop drinking altogether….yeah right…there I go again making goals that I know I’m not going to keep and then when I don’t accomplish them I feel even worse about myself. Okay, so here’s what happened: I was in Port Dover and Chantal Kraviazuk was performing only three doors down from where I was at the Lighthouse Theatre. I started to wonder if I would ever play huge venue with a packed house of quiet listeners who pay really good money to see me. In my day of being hung-over, I felt like there would be no hope of this, but today I feel like it might, someday, happen. Wah, wah, wah. Here I am with my sob story while my good friend, John Stein is in the hospital because of a terrible car accident driving home from the gig that I had convinced him to come to. I’m so glad he’s going to be okay. I think it may have been a wake up call for many of us to cherish each other.
Okay, it’s movie time for me. I will try to write more often.
Posted by Angie at 10:13 PM
October 24, 2004
The CD release party in Toronto was wonderful. I must say that I’m truly thankful to have so many good friends. Your encouragement means a lot to me!!
I must say that the CD release did not have the same feel as the Circumstantial Overload CD release. It’s difficult to top a party like that one…but this one seemed much more like me. Maybe I’m just not cut out for extravagance : )
We’re still waiting on some news about distribution (Linds and I). I was hoping to score a distribution deal through the party. I guess that’s just not meant to be right now.
The day after release party, mom and I went to Port Dover where I played at a bar called 4280. What a nice bunch of people they are in Port Dover. Big thanks to Evan Champagne who, yet again, got me the gig. Saturday we went to Amhurst Island and I played at the sweetest venue called the “Lodge on Amhurst Island.” It’s actually an artists retreat. It’s so beautiful there. We stayed the night at the lodge and I watched the sun rise through the trees in the morning (we were awake at 6:30am). Big thanks to Molly, Tom, Rosemary, Holly, Barry, Joanne, and Michael. I had a wonderful time. I can’t wait to go back!
Brian and I had an issue with our plumbing last week. I noticed our kitchen sink was draining very slowly so I decided to give it a little plunger action and possibly dislodge whatever it was that was holding up the water. Of course, in my plunging action I managed to suck the lodged mass back and clog the pipe completely. It took us two days to finally remove the blockage after about fifteen buckets full of barf-like substance had been removed from the drain pipe. We ended up buying and using a drain auger that was 15 ft long. It was such bad timing to have all this happen two days before the release party. I know you’d think we would call the landlord, but landlord action is not very efficient around here…and usually that’s a good thing, so I can’t complain and I now know how to unclog a sink. I also know why plumbers get paid so much. I had a few moments of dry heaving and crying at the same time. Things that stink can really bring out the worst in people : )

ang
Posted by Angie at 06:45 PM
October 17, 2004
Went to the OCFF conference this Friday and Saturday. Partied until the wee hours in the morning on Friday night. OCFF stands for Ontario Council of Folk Festivals. It's an organization that brings performers and organizers together. It's so much fun. The hotel party is the best part. You can travel around from room to room and here all kinds of different music. It's hard not to have a good time! It's also such a relief to hang with people who are in the same position as you. We don't often get to gather together because we're usually traveling or doing our own thing. Coming together is such a warm feeling for me.
So I'm still a little tired from the week-end, but I have a lot to do this week, so I think I'll work for a few hours this afternoon.
Getting ready for the big release this Thursday. Lindsay has been so much help in the past couple of weeks....I can't even begin to tell you. My friend Karen, in Africa, has also been a tremendous help. She wrote my new bio and all the press releases for the cities I'm going to. These jobs take so much of my time and I still couldn't write something even close to the way Karen can. Brenn (my web designer / graphics designer) has also been an amazing help. I swear he was the one of the staple reasons that things started to go well for me a couple of years ago. And I won't forget Derek Newman. What a guy he is. Since the days of Soakin' Wet, if there's one thing I could say about Newman it's that you can count on him. He's never comes up short. He's a good friend, that's for sure. His brother Chris, is also pretty cool : )
I'm a little sentimental today. Maybe it's from boozing a little too hard this week-end : ) I think it's because I can sense another change. Even if there is no change, I would rather believe for a short time that there could be.
Over and out.
ang
Posted by Angie at 08:52 PM
October 10, 2004
Ooooooh I'm so excited today! I have had CDs in my hands for three days now! It's so weird. I almost don't know what to do with myself. I keep looking over at the pile of boxes in my living room wondering what will happen to them all....
This is turkey day, but I think it will be Tofu stir-fry instead. I kind of wish I had planned to go home this week-end. I think I'll make sure to do that next thanksgiving.
I just printed off over 500 stickers to be placed on my botched posters. I think tonight will be the night when Linds, Brian, and I get drunk, stick all the stickers on posters, and make press kits. Don't laugh when you see a poster with a strangely placed sticker on it.
I'm beside myself with things to do this week. So much so, that I've developed that zombie-like stare when in front of my computer. I want to get all the marketing stuff out of the way before Wednesday so I can spend a week relaxing making sure that I can sing well for the CD release parties.
That's all for now.
angie
Posted by Angie at 08:53 PM
October 01, 2004
Have you ever spent nearly $1000.00 to get a bunch of posters made and have them turn out wrong? I feel like crying right now, but it would be such a waste of tears on such a silly thing. It's a long story but it results in me being a stupid pushover...too afraid to make demands, and too sympathetic to get someone else to make demands for me. ( I know Lindsay is going to snap over this). I have a soft spot for my printing guy.
The CD manufacturing has been delayed. I guess there was glitch at the plant? I'm starting to think that the making of "Paint and Turpentine" is like a big, one and a half year test. Every part of my being has been tested by this CD; my love life, my endurance, my ego, my voice...and of course my patience. I wonder if something that has been so difficult to capture, will be able to stand on its' own. I'm scared, and today I feel like a loser.
I'm listening to "Circle of Life" by Elton Jon. The printing people just called me back. They're going to try to work something out for the next batch of printing I do. Angry Angie wants to kick some ass and feels totally in the right about doing so. Non-Angry Angie things I'm being a tight ass. I just looked at the new poster and I'm starting to like it better. Maybe it will grow on me... .like an effing wart would!!
Grrrrrr.
Aaaanyway, things are going well even though today is a little funny. It's Friday and I have a serious date with my keyboard tonight. Brian and I have both been home almost every day, all day for the past couple of weeks. I can practice, but it's just not the same as it is when he' s not in the house. Often times we take turns leaving the house for a few hours just so that we can each be alone. I feel as though I will, one day, laugh at our current situation and I'll probably wonder how we could have kept it together.
This fall has been one of the most interesting I've had in a long time. I have heard the phrase "Fall is a time of reflection" many times this year and it's so true. I've thought a lot about my year and the decisions I've made and where my future is going. I feel a lot more comfortable with who I've become. I realize that I may never be a famous rock-star, but I think if I play all my cards right I'll be able to play, write, and record music for the rest of my life. It's quite a wonderful thought.
Oh happy day : )
Yours neurotically,
ang
Posted by Angie at 08:55 PM
September 24, 2004
I was so excited when I woke up this morning. It felt like Christmas because I was going to go and get my CDs. Guess what? They've made a mistake and had to start again. Surprise, surprise, surprise.
I start to wonder if the Karma surrounding this album is trying to tell me something... .
Let's not think that way shall we. I'm still a little sick, but not too sick to go for Sushi and the Royal Ontario Museum with Linds.
Brian has been recording drums today which meant no practice time and my face in the computer all day. I whine, but I'm such a slacker. I feel like firing myself sometimes.
Pleeaase let the CDs be perfect when I get them....that is....if I ever get them!
ang
Posted by Angie at 08:56 PM
September 22, 2004
I have a cold. Today and yesterday have not been very productive. I went to Kirkland Lake last week-end with Tim Tibbitts. It was great fun. I thought I would pick up CDs yesterday and found out I have to wait until Friday. I wasn't surprised, but I was frustrated a little.
It's been a good month for writing songs. I keep wondering if it's because there is no pressure to write any right now? I don't know.
It's been funny not having as many gigs as usual. I've been enjoying it, especially because now that I'm sick, I wouldn't be able to sing even if I tried.
So I've been wondering baking soda and where it comes from? That just reminded me to look it up on the internet.
Okay, so it comes from the mineral Trona. They mine it in the US.
It just seemed a little fishy to me that you can do so much with it. You can practically make a bomb. But then, when you see it advertised on toothpaste, you assume it means that the toothpaste is more sensitive on your teeth...because it's "natural."
Okay, so I'm really boring these days. I try to tell stories and stuff to my friends, and I get bored half way through. I then sum everything up in a few sentences and sit quietly.
I have lost half a bag of raisins somewhere in this apartment and do you think I can find them? All I want to do is snack on some raisins, but noooooo. Deep down I want to accuse Brian of hiding them. He thinks I eat too many and worries that I'll get gas. But I never do! Ha! Even if I did, it would smell like roses...and I would definitely not blame it on my raisin consumption.
Since I've been home more, I've been watching television a little more. Sex and the City is, by far, my favorite show! I think it's very inspiring for women of all ages. It does have some shortcomings though. It bothers me that the ladies on the show go out and eat bacon and eggs, pizza, and ice cream all the time when you know damn well that they do none of that in real life. Otherwise I like it a lot. I also like "The Apprentice." I don't know what it is but that show just gets my stomach in a knot.....and again, I want to find that bag of raisins. Here I go...heading to Brian's room to accuse him of hiding them. It's the little things....always the little things : )
ang
Posted by Angie at 08:57 PM
September 07, 2004
Here I am at my new 9 - 5 job which involves working for Dragonfly Distribution, which is my own record label. This is the month when I want to perform less, write more, and make a true attempt at properly releasing this CD. I never thought I would take much interest in the business aspect of music, but times have changed and I realize that I can choose to work a day job that I don't like, or I can gamble just a little at working a day job that is more rewarding. We'll see how it all goes.
The CD is getting manufactured right now. I have to wait for 10 business days. It's nearly killing me. I'm very excited. I don't want to announce the CD release tour until I actually have CDs in my hands.
After much deliberation I decided not to tour with Sandcastle Theory right now, and instead to focus on my own stuff.
So here I am again in a new beginning. It's kind of scary, but I must say that I've yet to be bored.
It's nice not to be traveling as much right now. I've not slept in my own be many nights this summer. I'm looking forward to a little routine for a month or two.
That's it for now.
angie
Posted by Angie at 08:58 PM
August 06, 2004
Here I am on a Saturday. Sometimes I wonder if the older you get the more crazy you get because it sure seems like I have been on this emotional roller coaster since June. I feel like I'm having a cross-road issue. I will have to explain it better another time.
Traveling out east was really fun. I loved seeing my family again in Nova Scotia and Fredericton. I loved having my mom with me. She's such a great travel partner especially since she quit smoking. We had some good laughs. We felt like Thelma and Louise a few times. Mom can always see the bright side to things. I remember taking her to one of my gigs near Collingwood last summer. We had to sleep in a tent together. The blow-up mattress was too big for the tent so it pushed out at all corners. That was fine until it started to rain....all night. We wanted to go home, but we had both drank too much so we stayed in the tent all night laughing at our predicament. The morning wasn't as fun, but it is still a good memory. : )
This week, I drove home from Nova Scotia in two days by myself. Day one was fine, but I was quite batty by day two. I slept in Drummondville. I felt like I was in a movie. I stopped at a motel that had this flashing sign saying $30. The place looked kind of like a run down circus from outside with these big plastic dinosaurs outside and pinball machines on the inside. It was kind of foggy which made it even more scary. I took one look at my room with its green paint, a big black stain on the floor and a window that was covered except for a small square around the air conditioner and I thought "for once, I'm not going to be cheap." So I left the motel and went to one that looked a little less scary. The man at the counter said that he only had one room left but it was the honeymoon suite. It was expensive, but he would give me a deal since I looked so exhausted. As I walked up the flight of stairs to my room above the bar, I could see the smiling faces of the people below....they knew where I was heading....by myself.
My room was the "oriental honeymoon suite." Everything was low to the ground (including the hot tub) and it had black shag carpet with little lights along the floor. You couldn't go anywhere without seeing yourself, dimly lit, in the mirror. It was great. I watched late night talk shows while soaking in a hot tub and had the time of my life!!
I will forever remember my stay in Drummondville.
Coming home is never so good for me. I love to see Brian, but I don't always love to see my apartment. Brian has been recording "Super stack." So there is all kinds of gear everywhere and our bedroom has been transformed into a studio. I felt a little crowded for a small while, even though I love the guys from Super Stack. I think I just needed some down time at home. By the end of the day yesterday, I was completely drained of energy. I started wondering what I was doing with my life and I thought I should get a day job and come home every night, make dinner, hang out...you know...the things that other people do. I felt very low and sad. I then went with Linds to "The Silver Dollar" room for Matt Osborne's Tribute Concert. I feel like that concert was the small breeze that blows at your back at the time when you need it most. Matt Osborne wrote some incredible songs and many of them were covered at this concert. His girlfriend, Kimberly Fair, read this very inspiring email that Matt had sent to her in January. It was about venturing out and taking on your artistic endeavors. I was absolutely touched...as were many of us who heard it. I'm so thankful to know Kimberly Fair, Arun Pal, Jay and Jeff from Uncle Seth, Linda M. and all those people who were there last night. Times are tough these days and the one comfort that can also be upsetting is that nothing ever stays the same.
Posted by Angie at 08:59 PM
July 15, 2004
I know I may have said this before, but I LOVE CBC radio!! Every time something good happens it's either connected to Ellen Drake, or CBC radio. I don't know how or why you do it, but I am very grateful for what you do!
This week has renewed my spirits. The Dragon Boat races in Sudbury were really fun. Thanks to the Investor's Group for investing time in me and special thanks to Lyle and Fred for making things easy for me.
Tobermory. What can I say. I thought it may have been a fluke that really amazing people were all in the same place last summer, but I was wrong. I can't believe how great the people are in this town! Special thanks to Hugh, Danielle and friends, and Jungle Jane for the good times and the great place to stay!
Guelph was a great night. It wasn't very busy, but it seemed so warm and friendly. I' ll be sure to make the T-shirts that say "I got Nusseyd" on them!!
Graffiti's was also one of those unexpectedly good nights. Thanks to the people who came out after the CBC plug, and thanks to Steve for booking me in the first place.
Free Times tonight was amazing! Anneke's Star is awesome. These girls can really write and perform. I think we've all become friends. Big thanks to Ryan for organizing and to Micheal, Joanne, Jeff and Sarah, and all the other great people that I met tonight. I totally feel like there is some wind in my sails. I hope it takes me through to the end of this month.
I must say, there have been some changes on the Horizon and I'm nervous about mentioning them because I seem to be the boy who cried wolf. Anyway, my friend Kal has now been signed to the record label called "Evolution" for his band "Sand Castle Theory." Anyway, since I sang some of the back up vocals for the album, Kal has asked me to tour with the band as the back-up singer / keyboard player. I've been humming and hawing about this because I don't want to detour from my long awaited track of trying to release the new CD. Anyway, for a few reasons I have now decided to get on board with this. I'm skeptical about things actually happening unless they are in your own hands, but at the same time, I really want to be proven wrong!
Okay, so it's late and Brian and I are heading home for my sister's wedding this week-end. She is having a small back-yard wedding at 9:30 in the morning; then we will shuttle out to the campgrounds on Fairbanks Lake where we will enjoy a big supper and play music all night. It's surprising how many people play music up there. I don't care how many times "Up on Cripple Creek" gets played, I' m always ready to hear it again.
After that it's back to Tobermory, then a few dates with Johnny Williams and then out to Nova Scotia. It's good to be busy.

Over-and-out.
ang
Posted by Angie at 09:00 PM
June 24, 2004
I didn't get much done as far as researching media today. I had a few snags that led me in other directions.
Anyway, I met with Linds tonight and she had already found all the contacts. I'm telling you, she's amazing.
Next I went to see my friend Ron Allen perform at the Music Gallery. It was fantastic and I felt relaxed and refreshed afterwards. I met a new friend, Shri, and we walked home together. Then I biked down college and was scooped into a bar by some jazz music. Then I talked to the owner about hiring me to perform. Then I went to the video store and rented Sense and Sensibility (since Brian is not home and I was in the mood for a love story). Then I went to the all night grocery store to buy some raisins to eat during the movie (because I LOVE raisins). Then I lost my keys (which unlock my bike, my house, and my car). Then I looked everywhere for my keys. Then I found my keys at the video store and went home. Now I'm on my computer, but I am unable to connect to the internet. Wanna know why? Because I don't have the driver that connect to my Ethernet cable. My computer has magically uninstalled said driver. This confuses me. I'm preparing to form a theory about computer use and stability and how creating and removing viruses has become a fantastic business all on its own! Who'd have thought that my days on the VIC 20 with the tape recorder and the "Donkey Kong" game would lead to constant virus paranoia!
Toronto is so fun when soccer season is finishing up. I live near Ossington and Bloor which is close to little Italy, Little Korea, and Little Portugal. I think that Portugal did well today because there are so many cars driving around beeping their horns and waving green and red, and blue and white flags. No matter when the game aired ie//8:00am, I think the unwritten rule is that you can honk your horns and wave your flags until the following day at 4:00am. Last time my mom was here. I drove down College Street with her just so she could see how excited everyone is. Excitement is so contagious....especially to my mom.
My mom has this fascination for people. She watches them with such innocence and wonder. Her and I were on the subway one time and this big, tall, strong looking lady walked on dressed in Goth...and I mean black with spiky things all over the place. (I'm actually really curious about gothic culture and have been tempted to dress like that myself) I must admit it was hard no to take your eyes off her, but at the same time, people don't often take well to staring. So after a good long look at her, I turn to my mom and notice that she hasn't stopped staring in a very long time. I whisper "mom, you' re going to have to stop staring." And she said "well, it's hard because she's just so interesting don't you think?" I told her she would be on her own as far as physical defenses go. There's no way I could have protected her. Of course nothing happened. I'm quite sure mom could stare at anyone for any amount of time and not worry about causing commotion. You can tell just by the way she looks at people how accepting she is.
We're going to see a lot of each other now that my mom is retired. She's coming with me as I travel to Fredericton and Halifax this summer. We will meet up with the rest of my mom's family in Stellarton Nova Scotia for the family reunion. I'm so pumped. They say as you get older, you start to cherish your family more...and I would totally agree. I'm also going to be in Tobermory for five Sundays out of the summer. This is great because I love that part of the country.
So here I go watching Sense and Sensibility. I've already eaten most of my raisins while typing this journal. I'm going to have to see what else we have in the way of food. Our kitchen is not very good for satisfying cravings. Brian and I often eat Peanut butter-honey mash for desert since we've had to go gluten free. It sounds terrible, but if you don't eat any gluten or refined sugar products for a week, the funniest things start to seem scrumptious. Strawberries and fresh figs taste spectacular! This never lasts for me. I have this rule that if it's eighteen degrees or higher outside, I'm allowed to go and get a peanut-butter chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robins....
over-and-out
angie
Posted by Angie at 09:01 PM
June 23, 2004
I must say that June has turned out to be one of my absolute least favorite months this year, or possibly in the past two years. It's hard to say exactly what happened and when it all began, but I know it started shortly after my friends Lindsay and Iain's Birthday Bash. We had planned the B-day bash before the trip to Africa so that we would have something to look forward to upon our return. I guess I hadn't planned much further than that.
I thought that the CD would be finished and ready for mastering...but it wasn't. I was disappointed even though I know it wasn't fair to be.
I had quit my job at Green Breeze, but had not booked any gigs for June, so I've been tying to live off my $8 a week budget...and it's not working out very well.
I started to feel very lost and low. It's those dark days when you don't really know how to communicate your feelings and you almost feel ashamed to admit how bad it is. It lasted about three weeks. It lifted on Friday. It's funny because I have worked at group home dealing with people with Mental Illness, Schizophrenia, and Depression, so you think I would apply some of my learnings to my own life. I find that when you clean your bedroom and your living area, it helps to clean your mind. Eating properly and sleeping during the night (instead of the day) are also good ways to help depression. Meditation has also helped me in the past. I think that this month was one of those times when you feel too tired to clean, too busy to eat properly, too worried to go to bed early, and too flustered to meditate. All the forces were working against me. I can't express how happy I am to feel better.
This week-end we filmed the rest of the video for "I used to." It was kind of awkward at first. My friend, Brent, was acting as my love interest in the video. It seemed so unlike us to be in such a position. I definitely have a different view of actors. What a difficult thing to do. Anyway, things became more comfortable and we all had a lot of fun. Many thanks to Linds, Jay, Alisen, Dwight, and Brent. Also many thanks Iain, Stephanie, Spleetor, Tracey, Shannon, Dave (and family), Geoff, Holmes, Richard, and all the rest of the people that participated in last week's filming at Hugh's Room. I can't wait for the viewing party!!
I'm not sure what this video will do. It was just something we wanted to experiment with. If it turns out good, I'll try to get it on Bravo and some internet video stations. I will have it on the website as well. Even as I say this, I keep having these thoughts that I'm never going to release the CD and so I'll probably never do anything with the video. I know that's not true, but it keeps me from losing my mind in my times of impatience.
So I was sick all day today. I have a sore throat and achy back. I was really tired, so I used today as an excuse to sit in the sun and read John Lennon and the FBI files. What an interesting book. I had been stuck reading the Ayn Rand book : Atlas Shrugged, for a whopping seven months. I developed a love-hate relationship with the book. I didn't want to read it sometimes, so I'd let it sit for a week, then I'd come back to it curious about what was to happen next. I'm glad it's over. I feel like I can really start into something new. I'm one of those people who sometimes allows books to take over my life for a while. I can recall different stages of my life and the books I've read during those stages. I think I've spoken of this before.
Tomorrow, I will get up early and try to catch up on some of the work I missed today. I need to make a media list (radio stations, newspapers, television stations) for Fredericton. Then I need to call these places and see if I can get an interview or if they would be interested in coming out to see me play when I'm out there at the end of July. Then I'll send out a bunch of press releases and press kits and then next week I'll try to contact these places again. That's kind of how it works. I will do the same for Halifax. I talk as though I do all this work myself, but I have yet to mention that my new manager, Lindsay, who has been helping with this task and many other tasks that I find difficult and time consuming. She's been the most helpful of any manager I've ever had. She can speak for me because she knows me so well, and I run all my problems by her no matter how big. Our business meetings usually consist of a few beer and a list of things that are stressing me out. She tells me the tasks that she can do and then sets me up on our on-line calendar with things to do each day. She tries to keep me from jumping too far ahead and getting overwhelmed with work. She really is awesome!
In the afternoon, I will go to Brenn's house. He's designing the covers of the CD and he's revamping the website. Everything looks great already! I'm quite excited. I am also happy to leave the apartment because Brian is recording drums all week. I feel bad for the people who live above us....eeeee.
Here's an interesting topic that has been brought up recently: The stagger walker. No, I don't mean drunken stagger. I mean the people who walk three or four feet ahead of you.
Posted by Angie at 09:02 PM